Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
