Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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