Welp...herpes.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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