i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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