tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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