Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
