the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
