People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
