I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize