So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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