We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
