could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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