True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
