Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
