im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
