The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
