By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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