Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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