no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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