I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize