You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
