why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
