Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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