I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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