can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
