Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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