Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
