He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
