I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
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