Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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