YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
