I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
