Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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