We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
