If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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