my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
