Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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