i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
