screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
