please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
