If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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