what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize