using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
