a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
