Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
