Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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