Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
