Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
