I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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