i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize