Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
