I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize