Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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