i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
