Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
this is an emotional support booty call
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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