Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
