He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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