You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
