Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
this is an emotional support booty call
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
