Too much gin, very little bucket
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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