You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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