I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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