I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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