Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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