I think scott just propositioned me for sex
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
