i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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