corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
