Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he thought i was a dude.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
