we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
