girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need a beard to bite.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
