Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
