Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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