Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
A bitchslap is in order.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
