you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
