You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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