i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just pee around me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
