Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize