you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
