my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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