I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
