Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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