so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
