I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
