He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize