we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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