Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
