I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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