Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We just shotgunned beers for America
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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