I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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