Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
