All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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