So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
