If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
