I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
