I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
