Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
