3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
