my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The air was thick with penises
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
