I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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