Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
