someone threw a dead crab at me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
