I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
