I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
