I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
