we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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