For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I will be naked everywhere
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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