shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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