Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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