Just fell off a train. Bad.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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