I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
