What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
