So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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