70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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