Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize