i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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