there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
