are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
