Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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