you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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