He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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