It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
