I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have aggressive nipples.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
